You know what feels really good. It feels really good to look at someone tempt you and for you not to be tempted. It feels really good even a blessed feeling to know this person that caused you intense pain, whether it be physically or mentally or whether the situation has scarred you. It just feels so damn good for the actually person not to unhinge you. Yes, memories still haunt me. Like now I’m terribly afraid of that situation from my past repeating. I hate telling people what happen but I briefly mention it and use it as fuel. Yes what happened to me was horrible AND to this day I’m still afraid of it repeating. But I have the power to allow that situation to repeat or not. I have the power to let someone affect me or not. I have the power to let someone cause me nightmares or not. It’s me who decides that I can finally move on. That situation doesnt bother me. And let me tell you how overwhelming of a sensation it feels to not feel anything when that person tries knocking on your door. You look at it, acknowledge it but you dont want to care for them or want them or anything else. And I know currently I stopped this situation from happening again and I’m proud of myself. I refuse to let any guy do that to me, no matter if it was really one of those pleasant summer memories. Ya know, the kind that happens ever summer and you love it but as summer comes to an end it does to. I mean theres still so much I would’ve wanted to do and there are still things I miss. And I kinda need my bools back especially my copy of Acheron. But for once I think its okay. Like I just know everything will be okay. And that hope as well is breathe taking and lovely. *Sigh*
You wanted so badly for him
to be a good prayer you could
tell your mother about it,
and you wanted so badly for him to be
the good days where it was easy to breathe
and dance and love like you meant it.
But he’s just the ache in your knees now,
and you’ve got poison underneath your tongue,
and you’re waiting to kiss him one last time,
and you’re waiting to ruin him.
But everyday ends the same,
and you’re left wondering where to
put the relics left behind from
the timelines you loved him in.
You used to expand like a universe
and now you are breaking limbs
trying to make room for the
ghosts you let come back from the dead.
You brave, brave thing.
One day, you’re going to
stop leaving the door open
for people who only know how
to keep leaving,
and you’re not going to be sorry for it
If you find a girl that is willing to go through hell just to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn’t take her love for granted.
Going through hell for someone and in return being taken for granted was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Never. Again.